I said I was not going to focus on TTC but it’s quite a challenge when it seems as though everyone around are either announcing their pregnancy or dropping one. Then turn on the tv and see “Teen Mom”, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”, and “Secretly Pregnant”. Then since it’s on my mind, it’s only natural that I run into people constantly that’s expecting when before I could have went a week without seeing or hearing about anyone expecting.
Last weekend, me and my husband went home (to MD) to be there when my sister-in-law gives birth to their first child. Holding her was amazing, it had been so long since I held a baby and I was so looking forward to it and to see my husband’s reaction was wonderful, his first niece (other than my sister). Holding her, I couldn’t help but to wish I was in that bed and it was our baby, but I was really happy for them because they had been trying for a while and had a few miscarriages.
So we left there, went to a birthday party and I seen my beautiful niece, Kerrin and nephew, Diamond and at the party three girls were pregnant…can you believe it?!?!? I know me neither and the party was not that big at all. Well to make a long story short, we went over my sister’s house and I found out she is pregnant with her 4th child…seriously, I just couldn’t believe it. She didn’t actually tell me but we’re pretty close sisters so I just knew. But not until AFTER I kept going on about me and TJ being next, which just made it harder for her to tell me.
Now, I can actually say I was happy for her, hurt, but happy for her. My hurt had nothing to do with her but more with myself and God I think. I don’t really now how to explain it. Initially, I just felt unworthy or incapable, like I’m not doing something right in my life, like I’m not “perfect” enough to recieve and give my husband the gift and blessing of conception, a child and parenthood. Now these were MY FEELINGS NOT MY THOUGHTS because it’s not about perfection, I know that.
So this is when I have to refocus on whom’s timing it is, which is God’s and His timing is perfect, for me and my husband. So I will continue to focus on being healthier and let God take care of “Family Building”. To avoid the “panic-state” that comes from not being able to control the conception process cause I don’t know about others but my mind before I know it starts freaking out trying to figure out how to MAKE it happen, which I can’t so that stresses me out constantly thinking about it. So I K.I.S.(Keep It Simple) it using my K.I.S process. After the KIS process I am totally relaxed and at peace. I am also very excited because I know our time is close for our first children.
So thank you for reading & I hope to have encouraged someone to trust God and know that your time will come.
God Bless and please remember to subscribe (at top or bottom of the screen) and leave comments, I love to hear from you… 🙂