Loving in a Love{less} Marriage

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It’s often easy to love someone when you feel them loving you. It’s easier to rub someone’s feet when they offer to rub your feet every once in a while. To cook dinner, when you feel appreciated. It’s often easier to give when your getting.

But what about when your not getting? Giving seems to be a bit more challenging.

There has been many times when I claimed that my husband didn’t love me. Often because I didn’t feel loved. I wanted him to do certain things, like send me flowers. Spend time with me {more}. Offer to rub my back. Text me sweet messages. Read with me. And I could go on forever.

The more I thought about him not loving me, the more it became harder to love him. I no longer wanted to give him facials, fix him dinner, rub his feet, or anything that made him feel “loved”.

I often went to God, “Lord, please! I can’t be in this kind of marriage. Do I really have to live my life unloved?!?! He’s so selfish, all he thinks about is himself, he’s just a taker when will he start to give. How can I love a man that don’t love me!

After complaining to God over and over again, He said “the same way I love you.” It was so clear. And once again, I felt so ashamed.

God’s Unconditional Love

God is the perfect example of true love. The love I was feening for was the worldly love. But God’s love is so much more deeper. He gives us guide lines for true love and it’s not about how we feel but what we do. God told me that it’s not about what I get from this marriage but what I give. Love with no strings attached. I’m not to show my husband love because he shows me, I’m suppose to be loving my husband because God told me to, because I suppose to be replicating Jesus Christ. 

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

As I started to focus on loving as Jesus loves us. God opened my eyes to see what I always missed. The love cards for no reason, early morning {favorite} breakfast meals, sweet {thoughtful} gestures of love for no reason, and so on.

At the end of the day, I realize that it’s not about my needs being met. This is my season to learn how to love unconditionally, unselfishly, like Christ. God promises to fulfill ALL of my needs, why would He leave out love.

It’s not always easy to love someone when you feel your needs are being neglected but I encourage you to go to God, He will fulfill ALL your needs. It may be true, your spouse could be very selfish and needy and I still encourage you to go to God, ask Him to help you love him without conditions {I’ll love him, when he start loving me, etc}, wholeheartedly.

I’ve learned {and is still learning} that every situation is a great opportunity to get closer with God. Everything is not about our spouses. Most of the time God is trying to show us something about our relationship with Him.

So stay encouraged and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust God with your heart and circumstances and look up. Smile

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This post is linked to…

Messy Marriage