This year I turned 27 years old!!! –Yes, I’m still in shock..lol. – but of course it made me do some self-evaluation (which I do often). I like to evaluate, WHERE I am in life, WHERE I WANT to be, WHO I am, WHO I WANT to be, and things I need to change. I have been praying and working on finding out who I am right now. This is the time in my life when I have been concentrating and focusing on being ME.
Yep! thats it. Just being ME. Whoever that may be.
And God has been revealing a lot to me. A lot, in which I didn’t want to see or is hard to take in…lol..seriously. I’ll just tell you that when you pray to God to “reveal who YOU really are”, then be ready for some raw truth to be exposed that’s not always pretty. But at the same time you ask for it to be revealed so that you can then ask Him to remove them and replace them with attributes of Him. But some things have to be DEALT WITH FIRST BEFORE HE will remove them…painful wounds… 🙁
Well in this process I have found that I can be a pretty mean and cold-hearted person, and often I have problems connecting with my feelings, for which I’m still not quite sure why. So I’ll come back to this….
I have so much on my mind right now and in these days, that I honestly don’t know what I want to type. I have not posted anything in a while because I have been avoiding my blog like the plague for some reason. I usually go on and read my own “encouragement” postings because honestly they helped me when I posted and still help me when I reread them. But i haven’t even done that.
Then it’s been really long since I wrote anything personal on here (most of my posts are collected info). So I don’t want this post to be too long so I’m going to break it down into probably 2 or 3 different posts based on the subjects that come about in this post. So I can already say I’ll be doing a post on my “Self-evaluation process” and a post on “My Married Life- FOR REAL”, and a post on “Who Am I??? REALLY!” –which may tie into “My Self-evaluation process”…Idk!
But i do know ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! I created my blog to open myself and be who I really am, regardless of who likes it. I remember when I didn’t care what others thought and such a care-free attitude, I miss some of that. When I think about where I AM emotionally (as I sip my white wine) and where I USE to be emotionally, I think about how it’s amazing how things can change without you even noticing when it happened (*another blog post-“How Did I End Up HERE!?!?!” whoa there just rolling aren’t they…lol). I feel like I lost myself in these last couple of years since I’ve been married. A lot of things that I used to do I don’t and how I use to think, I don’t and it’s one thing to mature but it’s another thing to lose your self and don’t know what you “matured” to. It’s so much that went on with our marriage before and in the beginning that I feel took so much of who I was and now sometimes I feel like I blame my husband. Which I shouldn’t but one of the things I’m working on. But I dont know… like I said, so much is going on right now in my head, sometimes I feel like a crazy person but PRAISE GOD HE ALWAYS BRING ME BACK TO PEACE!!! I truly know what it means when people say “without Jesus I would go crazy or be crazy” because I seriously would. To not have Him to put my thoughts back in order..smh!!! It’s amazing, I mean the situation would be exactly the same but SOMEHOW He calms the storm in ME…amaaaazzzzzing!!!
Right now I feel like this post is everywhere and it is but you know what I don’t care!!! This is MY blog and MY space and I’m going to express how I want!! I guess I’m just feeling rebellious…lol. But, really, this post was just to say that I am going to be myself and express myself in my blog. I created this blog to be a blessing and encourage others thru my life and to encourage MYSELF and break-free of all the bondages I have placed on myself. Of course there is a difference between privacy & being free so…yeah.
Anyhow…by sharing some of my life and experiences with you all I hope that it will allow you to know that you don’t have to perform for NO ONE but GOD and as long as I’m striving to be better for Him than everything else will fall into place (even the people around me).
So I pray that through this blog, Lord, you continue to open me up to be changed. In Jesus Name… AMEN!!!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND REMEMBER TO BE YOURSELF!!! INDIA 🙂
**Oh yeah, look out for my other posts to come. Not necessarily in the order stated.