Marriage is hard. I’ve heard, the first year is the hardest but I beg to differ. My husband and I have been married for 8 years (since Jan 09) and I would say the first couple of years is probably the hardest. Of course I would also say that the saying anyway is determined a lot around the circumstances of your marriage, how it came about, your beliefs, your spouses beliefs (unequally yoked is a whole other post), your spiritual maturity, and a number of other factors. You are just starting to really get to know each other and are probably seeing each other’s true colors for the very first time. Its official and you just started living with each other 24/7. The first real argument that my husband and I had wasn’t even about the thing we had begun discussing.
I can’t even remember our first argument, we seemed to argue a lot (just being honest here). See, I can come on kinda strong. I can be very opinionated, logical, and passionate. I tend to see things, simplify it, and wonder why others make it so difficult. If I feel there is a problem, I would rather talk about it, bring it to the forefront so we can move on. I hate feeling tension and no one wants to talk about it. I have always been big on communicating. BUT Tj… although he is not the “quiet” type, he is not very communicative.
You see, the way I was responding to him and the tone of my voice had sent our little minor disagreements into our first full-fledged fight. I was angry and I let it show by my quick wit and disrespectful remarks. I felt like a child that didn’t get her way. I wanted to huff and puff and go hide in the bathroom to release my frustrations.
BUT… Tj, although he is not the “quiet” type, he is not very big on communicating, which would often get me angry, pretty quickly. He is also not the argumentive type (to me anyway). When we did talk I always felt like I had to pull the conversation or details out of him. Then our small disagreements started and the way I responded to him and the tone of my voice had sent our little minor disagreements into arguments that no one knew was about anymore. I was angry and I let it show by my quick wit and disrespectful remarks. I felt like a child that didn’t get her way. I wanted to huff and puff and play the silent game.
I used to feel horrible afterward and I knew that wasn’t the way God wanted me to be. As I read the Bible one day, I came across James 1:19.
4 Tips For Communicating In A Relationship
1. Pray: This should always be the first thing you do. In everything (1 Thes 5:17). Pray for wisdom, patience, and removal of egos. Ask Him to keep you calm and to intervene.
2. Slow to Speak: Often times we should remain silent, in order to give the other person an opportunity to express themselves. We can get so caught up in the “fight” that hurtful words began to enter the conversation. If we do speak, we should do so humbly in love and without a selfish agenda.
3. Be Quick to Listen: I mean really listen. Stop thinking about what you are going to say next. Show your spouse that they is the priority over your desire to be right.
4. Slow to Become Angry: Remember not to raise your voice and to keep your tone in check. (“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1) We often want to get our jab in to prove our point.
Dear Heavenly Father, We lift up our marriages to you so that you can have your way. We pray that our marriage glorifies and honor you. We pray for unity and to not fight against each other. Help us to live out your word and be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Father, we know you are fighting for us and our marriages and we thank you. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.
Be Blessed! India